In this Inclusive and exclusive special report, We investigate the current Swine Stress and offer some form of explanation thereof.
Jozie speed cops are up in arms after a well liked twit, "Pigspotter" that has been exposed after giving away their favourite hangouts.
Reports can neither confirm nor deny the claims "Pigspotter" has been tweeting pig hide outs to alert the public of their positions and places of habit.
The Speed cops are not happy with this as they claim its foul that they are called pigs and that their favourite spots are being exposed to the public. Both party's have consulted legal advice.
This office under took an unbaised secret investigation and went head first into the sty, amongst the swine so to speak, to bring you the loyal reader up to the trough.
Our investigation turned up some swill facts!
Examples of such include:
Wimpy> (four pigs at 12:33)
Shicken Licken> (23 Pigs at various times during the day)
Pick n Pay> (admin pigs and street pigs on average 20 to 55 pigs a day)
KFC> various (numbers not available on going to press but one customer claimed it was akin to a bacon factory at lunch time!)
Jules Street> (known as Hookers alley) many single pigs, mostly swines cheating on their sows, @ various times)
White Whore Inn> (Randburg) A colourful variety of pigs from young to old, some in uniform some not (early hours of most mornings)
Ellerines> Pigs are usually found wallowing in the credit dept, awaiting confirmation of credit checks to purchase furniture that they not ever going to pay for.
Banking Institutions> Pigs found here all day at all times banking chjo chjo, bribes and affirmative selective visionary diversion payments from taxi drivers.
Doctors Rooms> Large numbers of Pigs to be found here usually during office hours, more commonly on Fridays and Monday mornings, before and after public holidays are also proving popular.
Courts> Pigs can be found here through out the day on both sides of the of the guilty/ witness booths.
Rugby Games> No pigs were spotted due to a recent confrontation with a rugby player.
Taxi Ranks> no pigs operational, the one's we did find had poor vision ranging from short sightedness to total blindness.
Gyms> One pig, and we think he entered in error or was scoping the place out for next week's armed robbery.
Weigh less> Not one pig to be seen with in a five mile radius.
The most shocking revelation revealed in our investigation was the old age question of why speed cops keep stopping vehicles on public roads?
I discovered the reason behind this behaviour is they are merely looking for their mothers!
So in view of the facts before you, I ask you to raise your particular beef with these swines they call pigs!!
Personaly, I can now sort of understand the aversion some religions have towards pork..
This is Made_In_SA signing out for BREAKIN WIND NEWS.
Oink!
Breaking News Wind as it happens……
We don’t make the News we just TWIST it ever so slightly.
Thank you for watching this special live crossing taped in front of a dead studio audience yesterday.
Disclaimer: Made In SA is not of sound and sober senses, he was dropped on his head at birth, the doctor then slapped his mother. In the resulting confusion Made In SA was wrongly identified, re-homed and re-named Philemon Skumbuzo Vilakazi AND CAN NOW BE FOUND @ Unit 2 C-Section Umlazi.
Please note Made In SA votes: ANC, IFP, AWB, UDF, UDM, ACDP, KISS, DA, C.O.P.E, ID, ZANU PF, KFC, CNA, SAPS, SARS,SIN FEIN, ORANGE PARTY, DEMOCRATS, LIBERALS, NIGERIAN PEOPLES LIBERATION, ANGOLAN ELEPHANTS PARTY, CONGOGALESE NATIONAL PARTY, IN FACT I WILL VOTE FOR ANYBODY THAT WANTS TO RUN AS PRESIDENT OR JUST WANTS TO RUN AROUND THE BLOCK FOR EXERCISE.....
Friday, September 17, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
BREAKIN WIND 16/09/10
Breakin Wind News 16/09/10
From the Dept of Sanitation and Environmental Affairs comes news that the general public will not be allowed access to the stats surrounding the high number of broken, faulty and non operational sewerage treatment plants. A Spokes person for the said Dept says “We are very sorry but we cannot let people know how much shit we have in the country due to the upcoming elections”, “people will just have to bear with us and watch the rivers for any change of policy” said another.
From Parliament, a Breaking News press release concerning plans to muzzle media reporting freedom. Mr Ishmael Pagad proposed the following plans: {censored}
To which the Media Council said: {censored} which in turn outraged the SABC who’s spokesman replied that: {censored}
So that’s it folks we are going to {censored} if we want to be the change Gandhi mentioned.
The Department of Education has released plans to stem rising frustration amongst learning over the matric trial and tribulations that have plagued learners this strike season. As seen this week some learners went so far as to protest over the protests that caused intrruptions to their learning recently, blame was laid squarely on the soccer world cup and the teachers, learners demanded 25% of their marks be awarded for free, mahala as they deserve them. Government has said screw that you can have 10% discount on year end exams, one free super moo (flavour of your choice), a gift voucher from Shicken licken to the value of R2,50 AND a huge "get the fuck back to school you little bastards!!!!"
The spokesman who made this statement was last seen wearing a tyre, sadly the tyre was still on the school bus.
In other news A shortage of ambulances in Mpumalanga has been blamed on the Dept of Health?
Duh! like who else were you going to blame the Dept of Social Degredation?
Sadly the fool that reported this amazing fact is a product of last years Education Dept and learner marks agreement resolution.
From abroad, news of a popular cartoonist's death has filtered throught the mosque walls.
It is belived the 38yr old satirical artist committed suicide to avoid the death threats from Islamic extremists due to his constant ripping of Islam and the followers thereof. The artist's wife has claimed a moral victory in his honour, saying "My late husband Hamhed "Twin Towers" Watson has cheated the Islamic death threats by taking his own life, I am so proud of him!" Its alledged a neighbour over heard Watson screaming "Brace yourself bitches! I am going to make sure there are no virgins left in heaven" just as he flew his three storey apartment block into a parked 737 boeing at the local airport.
Breaking News Wind as it happens……
We don’t make the News we just TWIST it ever so slightly.
Thank you for watching this special live crossing taped in front of a dead studio audience yesterday.
Disclaimer: Made In SA is not of sound and sober senses, he was dropped on his head at birth, the doctor then slapped his mother. In the resulting confusion Made In SA was wrongly identified, re-homed and re-named Philemon Skumbuzo Vilakazi AND CAN NOW BE FOUND @ Unit 2 C-Section Umlazi.
Please note Made In SA votes: ANC, IFP, AWB, UDF, UDM, ACDP, KISS, DA, C.O.P.E, ID, ZANU PF, KFC, CNA, SAPS, SARS,SIN FEIN, ORANGE PARTY, DEMOCRATS, LIBERALS, NIGERIAN PEOPLES LIBERATION, ANGOLAN ELEPHANTS PARTY, CONGOGALESE NATIONAL PARTY, IN FACT I WILL VOTE FOR ANYBODY THAT WANTS TO RUN AS PRESIDENT OR JUST WANTS TO RUN AROUND THE BLOCK FOR EXERCISE.....
From the Dept of Sanitation and Environmental Affairs comes news that the general public will not be allowed access to the stats surrounding the high number of broken, faulty and non operational sewerage treatment plants. A Spokes person for the said Dept says “We are very sorry but we cannot let people know how much shit we have in the country due to the upcoming elections”, “people will just have to bear with us and watch the rivers for any change of policy” said another.
From Parliament, a Breaking News press release concerning plans to muzzle media reporting freedom. Mr Ishmael Pagad proposed the following plans: {censored}
To which the Media Council said: {censored} which in turn outraged the SABC who’s spokesman replied that: {censored}
So that’s it folks we are going to {censored} if we want to be the change Gandhi mentioned.
The Department of Education has released plans to stem rising frustration amongst learning over the matric trial and tribulations that have plagued learners this strike season. As seen this week some learners went so far as to protest over the protests that caused intrruptions to their learning recently, blame was laid squarely on the soccer world cup and the teachers, learners demanded 25% of their marks be awarded for free, mahala as they deserve them. Government has said screw that you can have 10% discount on year end exams, one free super moo (flavour of your choice), a gift voucher from Shicken licken to the value of R2,50 AND a huge "get the fuck back to school you little bastards!!!!"
The spokesman who made this statement was last seen wearing a tyre, sadly the tyre was still on the school bus.
In other news A shortage of ambulances in Mpumalanga has been blamed on the Dept of Health?
Duh! like who else were you going to blame the Dept of Social Degredation?
Sadly the fool that reported this amazing fact is a product of last years Education Dept and learner marks agreement resolution.
From abroad, news of a popular cartoonist's death has filtered throught the mosque walls.
It is belived the 38yr old satirical artist committed suicide to avoid the death threats from Islamic extremists due to his constant ripping of Islam and the followers thereof. The artist's wife has claimed a moral victory in his honour, saying "My late husband Hamhed "Twin Towers" Watson has cheated the Islamic death threats by taking his own life, I am so proud of him!" Its alledged a neighbour over heard Watson screaming "Brace yourself bitches! I am going to make sure there are no virgins left in heaven" just as he flew his three storey apartment block into a parked 737 boeing at the local airport.
Breaking News Wind as it happens……
We don’t make the News we just TWIST it ever so slightly.
Thank you for watching this special live crossing taped in front of a dead studio audience yesterday.
Disclaimer: Made In SA is not of sound and sober senses, he was dropped on his head at birth, the doctor then slapped his mother. In the resulting confusion Made In SA was wrongly identified, re-homed and re-named Philemon Skumbuzo Vilakazi AND CAN NOW BE FOUND @ Unit 2 C-Section Umlazi.
Please note Made In SA votes: ANC, IFP, AWB, UDF, UDM, ACDP, KISS, DA, C.O.P.E, ID, ZANU PF, KFC, CNA, SAPS, SARS,SIN FEIN, ORANGE PARTY, DEMOCRATS, LIBERALS, NIGERIAN PEOPLES LIBERATION, ANGOLAN ELEPHANTS PARTY, CONGOGALESE NATIONAL PARTY, IN FACT I WILL VOTE FOR ANYBODY THAT WANTS TO RUN AS PRESIDENT OR JUST WANTS TO RUN AROUND THE BLOCK FOR EXERCISE.....
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Accidents? my ass!
So like I heard some fools talking on how they are going to decrease the road carnage here in SA by stopping however many thousand vehicles to check for roadworthiness?
Good idea mates, that’s about as effective as checking up women’s skirts to find your sister!
Clearly these people are in power because of either colour, nepotism, friends, last terrorism act or guilt and not they’re through experience!
stopping vehicles may have a small affect as in less roadworthy vehicles on the roads, the problem doesn't lie with the vehicle's themselves it lies firmly with a component behind the wheel... YOU the driver!
A vehicle is only as dangerous as the fool behind the wheel, on its own a vehicle cannot veer into on coming traffic on a blind rise, it cannot overload, it cannot drive under the influence either and it sure as shit can't drive itself through red robots with gay abandon.
In reality the driver’s intelligence has to be questioned when it comes to safety and responsible driving practices.
Stopping vehicles and checking to see they have a valid licence is not going to solve anything,
as the new points system will only work if the guilty party has a valid licence in the first place
against which to deduct the points!
Not having a licence in the first place will get you a hefty fine, but hey what’s the problem coz my fixed address is untraceable as the church /school or big tree look just like any other within a fifty kilometer radius.
Taxis are high on the watch list when it comes to contributing to the carnage but show me a cop who is brave enough to stop and fine his own vehicles or even to attempt to slow his source of pocket money from the drivers/ owners that have said cop in their pockets?
Youngsters with hairstyles like fanny’s driving daddies cars trying to impress all in sundry with their ability to speed and race each other are another cause of the carnage, inexperience and a drivers licence along with a little taste of testosterone make for a certain attempt to occupy the same space as another object generallyat speed, result death and changed lives for ever.
Inconsiderate parent's who don’t buckle down their spawn whilst in the vehicle are guilty of stupidity in the first degree.
The we have the average Joe or Mary driver who have had a licence for many years have been there driven here and even had a few cars in their driving history, sadly these people have forgotten the most basic of road rules, yield signs, speed regulatory signs, indicators, seat belts, cell phone usage, common courtesy, anticipation and just plain safe driving practices, these are the typical "but… It won’t happen to me" types who think accident and death only happens to other people.
We also have a particular brand of driver that thinks speed is cool as it erases his small dick syndrome suffering as people are supposed to be impressed by his ability to drive his high powered bank owned vehicle flat out at top speed, sadly these wankers fail to understand the most basic principles of Newton, what goes fast must stop at some stage the small dick syndrome is soon cleared up with a spade and a fire hose leaving nothing more than a gouge in the tar. Speed kills and any arsehole that argues shows clearly he or she are an idiot!
Driver’s attitudes first and foremost have to be changed, until then we will be party to the carnage that is daily on our roads…
Good idea mates, that’s about as effective as checking up women’s skirts to find your sister!
Clearly these people are in power because of either colour, nepotism, friends, last terrorism act or guilt and not they’re through experience!
stopping vehicles may have a small affect as in less roadworthy vehicles on the roads, the problem doesn't lie with the vehicle's themselves it lies firmly with a component behind the wheel... YOU the driver!
A vehicle is only as dangerous as the fool behind the wheel, on its own a vehicle cannot veer into on coming traffic on a blind rise, it cannot overload, it cannot drive under the influence either and it sure as shit can't drive itself through red robots with gay abandon.
In reality the driver’s intelligence has to be questioned when it comes to safety and responsible driving practices.
Stopping vehicles and checking to see they have a valid licence is not going to solve anything,
as the new points system will only work if the guilty party has a valid licence in the first place
against which to deduct the points!
Not having a licence in the first place will get you a hefty fine, but hey what’s the problem coz my fixed address is untraceable as the church /school or big tree look just like any other within a fifty kilometer radius.
Taxis are high on the watch list when it comes to contributing to the carnage but show me a cop who is brave enough to stop and fine his own vehicles or even to attempt to slow his source of pocket money from the drivers/ owners that have said cop in their pockets?
Youngsters with hairstyles like fanny’s driving daddies cars trying to impress all in sundry with their ability to speed and race each other are another cause of the carnage, inexperience and a drivers licence along with a little taste of testosterone make for a certain attempt to occupy the same space as another object generallyat speed, result death and changed lives for ever.
Inconsiderate parent's who don’t buckle down their spawn whilst in the vehicle are guilty of stupidity in the first degree.
The we have the average Joe or Mary driver who have had a licence for many years have been there driven here and even had a few cars in their driving history, sadly these people have forgotten the most basic of road rules, yield signs, speed regulatory signs, indicators, seat belts, cell phone usage, common courtesy, anticipation and just plain safe driving practices, these are the typical "but… It won’t happen to me" types who think accident and death only happens to other people.
We also have a particular brand of driver that thinks speed is cool as it erases his small dick syndrome suffering as people are supposed to be impressed by his ability to drive his high powered bank owned vehicle flat out at top speed, sadly these wankers fail to understand the most basic principles of Newton, what goes fast must stop at some stage the small dick syndrome is soon cleared up with a spade and a fire hose leaving nothing more than a gouge in the tar. Speed kills and any arsehole that argues shows clearly he or she are an idiot!
Driver’s attitudes first and foremost have to be changed, until then we will be party to the carnage that is daily on our roads…
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Breakin Wind News 14/09/10
Welcome to another outburst of breaking wind..
In the news today:
Literary terrorist Made_In_SA has now gathered yet another 3000 slumou's as friends on facebook in sympathy with his last censorship debacle. MISA has promised his followers that he will never ever mention "porsche" or any other rude words that may upset sensitive readers. Apparently letterdash employees are seeking devine intervention after having dropped numerous ovaries whilst fending off some really upset Islamic followers that MISA may or may not have upset by refering constantly to pork, porsches and things explosive!
In another shocking revelation, MISA has taken to twitter like the twit he really is, he is however having a wee problem shitting on passing statues and parked cars.
Shut the hell up magazine has gone viral after one of its employees apparently mistook anthrax for baby powder.
Mavis Hendriena van poegenalema said she was shocked after asking a passing motorist for some water and baby powder, apparently the water was free, sadly the baby powder was not dried and ground up infants but a toxic blend of Al Qaeda nits, crabs and other common camel toe ailments. Thank goodness the camel toes were considered to be kosher.
One of the Police big nobs has follwed the other big nob's example and started picking on slightly obese cops as they go about their daily food shopping during working hours.
In an informal media statement held whilst Bheki Ima Celebrity was seen standing in a line at a popular fast woman outlet SAPS training college, his cohort, Ficky Fikile mabulallalalalalalalala...*deep breath* lalalalala ...SNR second in command of the SAPS/F (still not sure if its a force or a service) anyway, the fat sorry portly cops claim they shall not do anything extra with regard to their weight loss until Senior management pay them to lose weight for we all know the South African Police service/force runs soley on bribes and corruption not its fat stomach!
Julius Malema no relation to jykop zoomed her under the cover of darkness, (well that is until we have conclusive proof proving otherwise, dna results may take up to 60kg's to be made known due to the current SAPS/F diet struggle.
Malema is currently canvassing artists in an effort to back his portrait of having the mining industry made national, after all he claims 45million unemployed nose picking jobless people would really be the answer to our loss of mining experience and know how through BEE and other crap ideas.
And in other exciting news... Nathaniel of Die kak or The Cat, fame (english version) has finally decided to see a speech impediment therapist! Bookmakers are placing 39 to 1.2345 odds that he cannot be cured... his mum thinks its still worth a chance but.
Breaking News Wind as it happens……
We don’t make the News we just TWIST it ever so slightly.
Thank you for watching this special live crossing taped in front of a dead studio audience yesterday.
Disclaimer: Made In SA is not of sound and sober senses, he was dropped on his head at birth, the doctor then slapped his mother. In the resulting confusion Made In SA was wrongly identified, re-homed and re-named Philemon Skumbuzo Vilakazi AND CAN NOW BE FOUND @ Unit 2 C-Section Umlazi.
Please note Made In SA votes: ANC, IFP, AWB, UDF, UDM, ACDP, KISS, DA, C.O.P.E, ID, ZANU PF, KFC, CNA, SAPS, SARS,SIN FEIN, ORANGE PARTY, DEMOCRATS, LIBERALS, NIGERIAN PEOPLES LIBERATION, ANGOLAN ELEPHANTS PARTY, CONGOGALESE NATIONAL PARTY, IN FACT I WILL VOTE FOR ANYBODY THAT WANTS TO RUN AS PRESIDENT OR JUST WANTS TO RUN AROUND THE BLOCK FOR EXERCISE.....
In the news today:
Literary terrorist Made_In_SA has now gathered yet another 3000 slumou's as friends on facebook in sympathy with his last censorship debacle. MISA has promised his followers that he will never ever mention "porsche" or any other rude words that may upset sensitive readers. Apparently letterdash employees are seeking devine intervention after having dropped numerous ovaries whilst fending off some really upset Islamic followers that MISA may or may not have upset by refering constantly to pork, porsches and things explosive!
In another shocking revelation, MISA has taken to twitter like the twit he really is, he is however having a wee problem shitting on passing statues and parked cars.
Shut the hell up magazine has gone viral after one of its employees apparently mistook anthrax for baby powder.
Mavis Hendriena van poegenalema said she was shocked after asking a passing motorist for some water and baby powder, apparently the water was free, sadly the baby powder was not dried and ground up infants but a toxic blend of Al Qaeda nits, crabs and other common camel toe ailments. Thank goodness the camel toes were considered to be kosher.
One of the Police big nobs has follwed the other big nob's example and started picking on slightly obese cops as they go about their daily food shopping during working hours.
In an informal media statement held whilst Bheki Ima Celebrity was seen standing in a line at a popular fast woman outlet SAPS training college, his cohort, Ficky Fikile mabulallalalalalalalala...*deep breath* lalalalala ...SNR second in command of the SAPS/F (still not sure if its a force or a service) anyway, the fat sorry portly cops claim they shall not do anything extra with regard to their weight loss until Senior management pay them to lose weight for we all know the South African Police service/force runs soley on bribes and corruption not its fat stomach!
Julius Malema no relation to jykop zoomed her under the cover of darkness, (well that is until we have conclusive proof proving otherwise, dna results may take up to 60kg's to be made known due to the current SAPS/F diet struggle.
Malema is currently canvassing artists in an effort to back his portrait of having the mining industry made national, after all he claims 45million unemployed nose picking jobless people would really be the answer to our loss of mining experience and know how through BEE and other crap ideas.
And in other exciting news... Nathaniel of Die kak or The Cat, fame (english version) has finally decided to see a speech impediment therapist! Bookmakers are placing 39 to 1.2345 odds that he cannot be cured... his mum thinks its still worth a chance but.
Breaking News Wind as it happens……
We don’t make the News we just TWIST it ever so slightly.
Thank you for watching this special live crossing taped in front of a dead studio audience yesterday.
Disclaimer: Made In SA is not of sound and sober senses, he was dropped on his head at birth, the doctor then slapped his mother. In the resulting confusion Made In SA was wrongly identified, re-homed and re-named Philemon Skumbuzo Vilakazi AND CAN NOW BE FOUND @ Unit 2 C-Section Umlazi.
Please note Made In SA votes: ANC, IFP, AWB, UDF, UDM, ACDP, KISS, DA, C.O.P.E, ID, ZANU PF, KFC, CNA, SAPS, SARS,SIN FEIN, ORANGE PARTY, DEMOCRATS, LIBERALS, NIGERIAN PEOPLES LIBERATION, ANGOLAN ELEPHANTS PARTY, CONGOGALESE NATIONAL PARTY, IN FACT I WILL VOTE FOR ANYBODY THAT WANTS TO RUN AS PRESIDENT OR JUST WANTS TO RUN AROUND THE BLOCK FOR EXERCISE.....
Answer me this...
If Julius Malema is such a fool why do people keep attending his conferences and key note speeches?
Take the mining sector, Julius says "hey ladies I wish to nationalise the mining sector, I shall be doing so at Gallagher Estate, it will cost you 1000 suid afrikaanse raants to come and listen to me talk crap. oh and you can have some arsty fartsy type food that will cause you to stop at Micky D's on the way home to eat something.. . bring cameras, video equipment and journalists to document this auspicious occasion(sic)..."
Now if I happened to be some huge mining magnate (actually only an overly qualified gynaecologist) and I recieved an invite from his lordshit, I would have spewed coffee through my nose, farted once then rolled the invite up and beaten the secretary's cute ass with it, then thrown it in the bin or left it in the long drop so the poor could wipe their bums in relative luxury.
But noooo, our mining sector, our journalists and who ever else wants a free day off work fall over each other to attend a 40 something year old "youth" throwing his toys and spitting his dummy in the name of "redistribution of stuff that doesnt belong to you.."
What gives people?
I am pretty sure if nobody paid any attention to the brat, he would find something productive to do.... I can think of suicide off hand with out any serious thoughts...Give me a few minutes to think of some other nice wishes for him.
Or am I wrong here?
Take the mining sector, Julius says "hey ladies I wish to nationalise the mining sector, I shall be doing so at Gallagher Estate, it will cost you 1000 suid afrikaanse raants to come and listen to me talk crap. oh and you can have some arsty fartsy type food that will cause you to stop at Micky D's on the way home to eat something.. . bring cameras, video equipment and journalists to document this auspicious occasion(sic)..."
Now if I happened to be some huge mining magnate (actually only an overly qualified gynaecologist) and I recieved an invite from his lordshit, I would have spewed coffee through my nose, farted once then rolled the invite up and beaten the secretary's cute ass with it, then thrown it in the bin or left it in the long drop so the poor could wipe their bums in relative luxury.
But noooo, our mining sector, our journalists and who ever else wants a free day off work fall over each other to attend a 40 something year old "youth" throwing his toys and spitting his dummy in the name of "redistribution of stuff that doesnt belong to you.."
What gives people?
I am pretty sure if nobody paid any attention to the brat, he would find something productive to do.... I can think of suicide off hand with out any serious thoughts...Give me a few minutes to think of some other nice wishes for him.
Or am I wrong here?
Monday, September 13, 2010
Turd World Developement
As I usually blog on Letter dash which is hosted by Blogs24.com but due to unforeseen circumcisions or circumstances (choose the applicable), I am unable to gain entry to my beloved blogs, I really think the communists read Letterdash Editors have taken tone at my recent thread pulling tactics aimed squarely at the slumou's.
Perhaps the three deleted blogs they kindly removed due to supposed "hate speech and or religious intollerance" had something to do with it? Who the hell knows?
Anyway the letterdash heroes have been molested by the fickle finger of fate as their server move went tits up and everything went for a ball of crap.. Hence I appear before you in all my glory!
The odd thing was I am tollerant of everybody and all their religions as long as they do not bother me with their false prophets and bullshit hypocratical ideals. If you are weak and need a crutch or two good for you but leave me alone or I shall be forced to bare my religious intolerance fangs!
Perhaps I am of the devils spawn, I don't know, but hell if we can't laugh at each other or at least point fingers and throw old vegitables at those who claim to have found absolution then I just don't know what will become of us... maybe we will sucumb to quiet silent world that is the inside of Bob Mugabe's cranial space.
So that said may the force be behind you all the days of your run to freedom!
And remember just because its says "User friendly" it doesnt mean it will still be safe to insert said item into your rectum!
Later Biatches!!
Friday, July 24, 2009
BREAKING WIND NEWS 24/07/09
Breaking Wind News..24/07/09
Sources in our Lesotho office have reported severe black frost in low lying areas, but have complained bitterly about white snow falling on the higher lying areas. A community meeting will take place on Tuesday 28/07 in the town hall to discuss the segregation and apparent racial elements stopping white snow falling in the black frost areas from time to time. This is after all a supposedly democratic state is it not?
Police have recovered the naked bodies of four polar bears in the Nottingham Road Area. The bears, three females and a male were found in a state of rigour mortis. The male was sporting a smile the size of a frozen penguin. It is believed a wild night of debauchery led to the bear’s freezing to death, as overnight temperatures plummeted. No fowl play is suspected as there were absolutely no chickens in the immediate vicinity.
City managers have released the latest MENSA aptitude results from their Exco meeting held last Friday night, The results are as follows: Correction, There are no results only a lot of blank faces. In other news the city beach’s Poo flag status is making headway with the new pipeline, leaving many households drained.
News from the ocean is that the sardines shall not be making an appearance this year due to budgetary constraints and a total failure of the Hibiscus Coast Municipality to provide safe swimming beaches for the little fish. It is believed shark nets were lifted earlier this month prior to the holiday migration of Gautengers, in order to allow sharks the democratic choice of a fresh diet or the same old smelly slimy fish they usually eat.
On the weather front, our reporter, Miss Busty Chest reported a cold front the moment she took her top off. Temperatures plummeted over night, but rose quickly as the bottle stores opened at 9 am this morning. Blue skies and gale force winds were reported near Bergville this morning after one resident reported seeing a chicken lay the same egg twice!
Traffic news, There was an unexpected vehicular merger between two personel carriers on the N1 between Gatsonderwater and Geenbuffles Fontein. Apparently both drivers attempted to occupy the same space at exactly the same time resulting in the closure of Philemon Hotshot Mkize’s new transport venture, and the arrest of Witbooi Brakewell who happens to be the getaway driver featured in last months issue of Gangstas, Robbery and making Crime Pay, the monthly periodical published by The ex Minister of Law and Order in association with the “more crime in less time” venture, sponsored by the government.
Breaking News Wind as it happens……
We don’t make the News we just TWIST it ever so slightly…..
Thank you for watching this special live crossing taped in front of a dead studio audience yesterday.
Disclaimer: Made In SA is not of sound and sober senses, according to sources he was dropped on his head at birth, the doctor slapped his mother, and in the resulting confusion Made In SA was wrongly identified and re-homed and re-named Philemon Skumbuzo Vilakazi AND CAN NOW BE FOUND @ Unit 2 C-Section Umlazi.
Please note Made In SA votes: ANC, IFP, AWB, UDF, UDM, ACDP, KISS, DA, C.O.P.E, ID, ZANU PF, KFC, CNA, SAPS, SARS, SIN FEIN, ORANGE PARTY, DEMOCRATS, LIBERALS, NIGERIAN PEOPLES LIBERATION, ANGOLAN ELEPHANTS PARTY, CONGOGALESE NATIONAL PARTY, IN FACT I WILL VOTE FOR ANYBODY THAT WANTS TO RUN AS PRESIDENT OR JUST WANTS TO RUN AROUND THE BLOCK FOR EXERCISE.....
Sources in our Lesotho office have reported severe black frost in low lying areas, but have complained bitterly about white snow falling on the higher lying areas. A community meeting will take place on Tuesday 28/07 in the town hall to discuss the segregation and apparent racial elements stopping white snow falling in the black frost areas from time to time. This is after all a supposedly democratic state is it not?
Police have recovered the naked bodies of four polar bears in the Nottingham Road Area. The bears, three females and a male were found in a state of rigour mortis. The male was sporting a smile the size of a frozen penguin. It is believed a wild night of debauchery led to the bear’s freezing to death, as overnight temperatures plummeted. No fowl play is suspected as there were absolutely no chickens in the immediate vicinity.
City managers have released the latest MENSA aptitude results from their Exco meeting held last Friday night, The results are as follows: Correction, There are no results only a lot of blank faces. In other news the city beach’s Poo flag status is making headway with the new pipeline, leaving many households drained.
News from the ocean is that the sardines shall not be making an appearance this year due to budgetary constraints and a total failure of the Hibiscus Coast Municipality to provide safe swimming beaches for the little fish. It is believed shark nets were lifted earlier this month prior to the holiday migration of Gautengers, in order to allow sharks the democratic choice of a fresh diet or the same old smelly slimy fish they usually eat.
On the weather front, our reporter, Miss Busty Chest reported a cold front the moment she took her top off. Temperatures plummeted over night, but rose quickly as the bottle stores opened at 9 am this morning. Blue skies and gale force winds were reported near Bergville this morning after one resident reported seeing a chicken lay the same egg twice!
Traffic news, There was an unexpected vehicular merger between two personel carriers on the N1 between Gatsonderwater and Geenbuffles Fontein. Apparently both drivers attempted to occupy the same space at exactly the same time resulting in the closure of Philemon Hotshot Mkize’s new transport venture, and the arrest of Witbooi Brakewell who happens to be the getaway driver featured in last months issue of Gangstas, Robbery and making Crime Pay, the monthly periodical published by The ex Minister of Law and Order in association with the “more crime in less time” venture, sponsored by the government.
Breaking News Wind as it happens……
We don’t make the News we just TWIST it ever so slightly…..
Thank you for watching this special live crossing taped in front of a dead studio audience yesterday.
Disclaimer: Made In SA is not of sound and sober senses, according to sources he was dropped on his head at birth, the doctor slapped his mother, and in the resulting confusion Made In SA was wrongly identified and re-homed and re-named Philemon Skumbuzo Vilakazi AND CAN NOW BE FOUND @ Unit 2 C-Section Umlazi.
Please note Made In SA votes: ANC, IFP, AWB, UDF, UDM, ACDP, KISS, DA, C.O.P.E, ID, ZANU PF, KFC, CNA, SAPS, SARS, SIN FEIN, ORANGE PARTY, DEMOCRATS, LIBERALS, NIGERIAN PEOPLES LIBERATION, ANGOLAN ELEPHANTS PARTY, CONGOGALESE NATIONAL PARTY, IN FACT I WILL VOTE FOR ANYBODY THAT WANTS TO RUN AS PRESIDENT OR JUST WANTS TO RUN AROUND THE BLOCK FOR EXERCISE.....
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
BREAKING WIND NEWS 22/07/09
BREAKING WIND NEWS....
BREAKIN WIND as it Happens!!
Parents across the country breath a sigh of relief as the little bastards, sorry, children return to school today. The start of the third term signals endless traffic congestion, happier parents and a lot more space on the beaches.Student spokesman Ima Outacontrol, stated that pupil's will be embarking on protest actions should school holidays not be recognized as school holidays, the Nationals Union Of Undereducated Ministers have since stepped forward to alleviate the growing concern of little or no education amongst preschoolers.
Thousands of people , students and pickpockets were left stranded after Durban's bus service failed to arrive at the bus stop this morning. Reports led this office to believe there was a problem in the ranks.We have just received confirmation from NOBUS the bus driver's union, that Durban's ailing bus service has expired, unfortunately not taking the city manager with it, We can live in hope, please hold thumbs!
Breaking News from over the Hill, was not received as it was out of earshot due to strong prevailing NE winds blowing up the valley. However the odd echo of "hello.... Hello" were apparently heard by Johnson Vilakazi whilst he sat minding his 34 goats, two diseased brahman bulls and one slightly retarded rooster.
In a surprised twist of fate, the now jobless Governor of the Reserve Bank has been offered a 2yr contract to be the reserve orange boy for Kaizer Chiefs during the upcoming 2010/11 soccer season. Unconfirmed reports state that the Governor shall be earning in excess of R50 per match in appearance fees, and a further R25 per tray of oranges if he actually gets to serve to the team during half time breaks.
An even more sinister revelation reveals Buzz Aldrin and Niel Armstrong are being sued by descendants of Albert 11, a male Rhesus monkey, who was the first monkey shot up into space by the yanks, Albert's family have taken steps to institute proceedings after it was alleged that Armstrong was the first man to set foot on the moon. Spokemen for the Albert family have poo-pooed this claim, and are now wanting to know who took the photo of him stepping on the moons surface.The FBI are investigating these claims.
Breaking Wind as it happens……
We don’t make the News we just TWIST it ever so slightly…..
Thank you for watching this special live crossing taped in front of a dead studio audience yesterday.
Disclaimer: Made In SA is not of sound and sober senses, according to sources, as he was dropped on his head at birth, the doctor slapped his mother, thus in the resulting confusion Made In SA was wrongly identified and re-homed and re-named Philemon Skumbuzo Vilakazi AND CAN NOW BE FOUND @ Unit 2 C-Section Umlazi.
Please note Made In SA votes: ANC, IFP, AWB, UDF, UDM, ACDP, KISS, DA, C.O.P.E, ID, ZANU PF, KFC, CNA, SAPS, SARS,SIN FEIN, ORANGE PARTY, DEMOCRATS, LIBERALS, NIGERIAN PEOPLES LIBERATION, ANGOLAN ELEPHANTS PARTY, CONGOGALESE NATIONAL PARTY, IN FACT I WILL VOTE FOR ANYBODY THAT WANTS TO RUN AS PRESIDENT OR JUST WANTS TO RUN AROUND THE BLOCK FOR EXERCISE.....
BREAKIN WIND as it Happens!!
Parents across the country breath a sigh of relief as the little bastards, sorry, children return to school today. The start of the third term signals endless traffic congestion, happier parents and a lot more space on the beaches.Student spokesman Ima Outacontrol, stated that pupil's will be embarking on protest actions should school holidays not be recognized as school holidays, the Nationals Union Of Undereducated Ministers have since stepped forward to alleviate the growing concern of little or no education amongst preschoolers.
Thousands of people , students and pickpockets were left stranded after Durban's bus service failed to arrive at the bus stop this morning. Reports led this office to believe there was a problem in the ranks.We have just received confirmation from NOBUS the bus driver's union, that Durban's ailing bus service has expired, unfortunately not taking the city manager with it, We can live in hope, please hold thumbs!
Breaking News from over the Hill, was not received as it was out of earshot due to strong prevailing NE winds blowing up the valley. However the odd echo of "hello.... Hello" were apparently heard by Johnson Vilakazi whilst he sat minding his 34 goats, two diseased brahman bulls and one slightly retarded rooster.
In a surprised twist of fate, the now jobless Governor of the Reserve Bank has been offered a 2yr contract to be the reserve orange boy for Kaizer Chiefs during the upcoming 2010/11 soccer season. Unconfirmed reports state that the Governor shall be earning in excess of R50 per match in appearance fees, and a further R25 per tray of oranges if he actually gets to serve to the team during half time breaks.
An even more sinister revelation reveals Buzz Aldrin and Niel Armstrong are being sued by descendants of Albert 11, a male Rhesus monkey, who was the first monkey shot up into space by the yanks, Albert's family have taken steps to institute proceedings after it was alleged that Armstrong was the first man to set foot on the moon. Spokemen for the Albert family have poo-pooed this claim, and are now wanting to know who took the photo of him stepping on the moons surface.The FBI are investigating these claims.
Breaking Wind as it happens……
We don’t make the News we just TWIST it ever so slightly…..
Thank you for watching this special live crossing taped in front of a dead studio audience yesterday.
Disclaimer: Made In SA is not of sound and sober senses, according to sources, as he was dropped on his head at birth, the doctor slapped his mother, thus in the resulting confusion Made In SA was wrongly identified and re-homed and re-named Philemon Skumbuzo Vilakazi AND CAN NOW BE FOUND @ Unit 2 C-Section Umlazi.
Please note Made In SA votes: ANC, IFP, AWB, UDF, UDM, ACDP, KISS, DA, C.O.P.E, ID, ZANU PF, KFC, CNA, SAPS, SARS,SIN FEIN, ORANGE PARTY, DEMOCRATS, LIBERALS, NIGERIAN PEOPLES LIBERATION, ANGOLAN ELEPHANTS PARTY, CONGOGALESE NATIONAL PARTY, IN FACT I WILL VOTE FOR ANYBODY THAT WANTS TO RUN AS PRESIDENT OR JUST WANTS TO RUN AROUND THE BLOCK FOR EXERCISE.....
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